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IF SOMETHING YOU READ DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT, I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO PLEAD INSANITY! Or I've already taken my Ambien.







Thursday, March 31, 2011

McDonald's is closed.

or They ran out of Chicken McNuggets.  (I might also add that I HATE Chicken McNuggets & all they stand for.)

They don't have your size is code around my house for I'm not buying that hideous... shirt, shoes, whatever fits the bill.

Not to offend anyone, but Sassy thinks if you have a baby when you're a teenager, you go to hell.  And we're not even Catholic.

We have this "family fun" center place around here which I refer to as "hell on earth", unfortunately it's only open for birthday parties of children that we can't get out of attending.

If you get out of your car seat, you'll die or go to jail.  Baby Girl hates her car seat, so I have to go to extremes with her.

Before Bo's lost all computer privileges, I would tell him too much computer use would make him go blind.

You have to be an adult to say ugly words.  And all illegal drugs are taken through needles.

Yeah, that's right.  I lie to my children.  And don't act like you don't, even if it's just the whole Santa Claus/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy ruse. 

Being the Nosey Nellie that I am, I asked my peeps on Facebook... What white lies do you tell your children?

Stephanie said that our food has hot sauce on it when we don't want to share

Amanda said ‎"Mama, what are you eating?" *quickly swallowing the rest of my reese's peanut butter cup* "A carrot. Do you want one too?"

Heather said I'm out of money. I use this one all the time, but now they check my wallet.

Marleena said  You know the "game/arcade room" they have right inside Walmart at the front entrance? You have to be at least 12 years old to go in there.

Shelly said one of my friends used to tell her son that there were snakes in the park, because he ALWAYS wanted to go play there.  I may or may not be totally stealing this one.

I've been lying to my children for... how old is Sass... 9 years, so what brought on this post?

The other night I think I told the best lie of my career.  Here's what happened...I was watching the movie House Bunny & let me just say that Tom Hanks' son Colin looks just like him! 

Anyclassicmovie, Sass was watching came into my room about the time Emma Stone's character was saying she was a virgin.  She usually doesn't pay much attention to things she doesn't understand, she's not that inquisitive, but of course she asked what's a virgin. Probably because they made such a big freakin deal out of it on the movie. 

And being the professional liar that I am without missing a beat I said "you know, like a Mexican (why I didn't say American, I don't know) except somebody that's from the Virgin Islands.  She bought it, no questions asked.  Feel free to use that one for your our purposes.

23 comments:

Gracie Beth said...

AHAHA Virgin Islands.

We 2 Bees said...

That is so funny! And a great answer. It's so true we all do it, sometimes it's just easier!

Laurie of Lulu and Daisy said...

That's hilarious! My friend's mom told her that if she shaved more than one inch above her knee that she would get cancer. Feel free to use that one. I now give her mom a hard time about that one!

Our Crazy Bunch said...

HAHA those are all great white lies. I have been white lying for years. I am the oldest of 12 kids so I've been doing it since my brother who is now 17 could talk and ask for things. :)

Love the hot sauce one. :)

mFw said...

bahahaha!!! This is great!!! I'm impressed!!! Love that you asked about it on fb!!!

Stacie's Madness said...

ROFLMAO. THAT IS HYSTERICAL

Babes Mami said...

These are fabulous!

Shell said...

I definitely lie to my children. All the time.

Certain stores are closed. I forgot my wallet.

I'm drinking medicine(my wine)

Jennifer said...

That was great. Pretty crafty response there Momma.

The White House said...

Bahahaha!! LOVE IT!

Ange said...

LOVE IT!

When my children were little I used to teach them the wrong way to play childhood games (ie, monopoly, clue...) because I don't like to ever lose.

High Heeled Life said...

I so love your responses!!! The Virgin Islands .. priceless!! xo HHL

Mo 'Betta said...

Like a virgin...whooo....from the Virgin Islandsssss (I'm totally singing Madonna right now) Ok, not as funny in print.

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

Girl, you are fast on your feet- That's hilarious, although I cringe to think of the first time she shares that bit of information :) I lie to my kids all the time as well... can't think of a good one right now, but I do!

*kimmie* said...

You are my hero.

cpratt said...

My son still thinks if he strips naked outside the cops will come...hehehe

Mrs. Wasp said...

Oh my goddess. You are my mom idol. Like seriously? Virgin Islands. Someone is quick on their feet! Kudos Mama!! XX

Lourie said...

OMG that is hilarious! hahahahaha! I know I have spun a few webs too. I just can't pull them out of my cluttered mind.

Jenner said...

This was a riot! I haven't had to invent many lies yet, as my kiddo is only 2 years old, but I can already feel them forming in my mind when she asks to do something that she can't. At least diversion tactics still work!

mamamagnolia said...

Got to use "the Virgin Islands". Thanks for keeping it real. Headed to your neck of the woods for a few data during spring break. Looking forward to visiting God's Country.

Joy said...

teehee I love it!

Erin said...

The car won't go unless your seatbelt is buckled.

Ashlee said...

Oh my gosh. You are a riot. I'm putting this in my "file."

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