DISCLAIMER:

IF SOMETHING YOU READ DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT, I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO PLEAD INSANITY! Or I've already taken my Ambien.







Wednesday, August 17, 2016

This one's kinda sappy...


So last week Sassy aka Queen BAL went Homecoming dress shopping. I know. What? School just started! Like it's still hot outside! But apparently you have to get one before they're all picked over.
And I got tired of being called "the worst mom ever" (which I should totally legally change my name to). Retro took the other 2 to a Falcons pre-season game after school, so off we went to the dress store (the same one I got my senior prom dress at 20something years ago).
We took 2 friends (1 to shop too & to vote). The girls tried on tons of dresses, some I picked some they picked...most they picked.
Then I fell in love with one! Sass really liked it too, (complete shock I know) until she found the "other one". The RED one.
Mine had a hot pink top & floral skirt. I would have rocked that dress 20 years ago. Key word: I. I'm very blonde & not really fair skinned, but blonde hair, blue eyes, white girl. I could never in a million years pull off a red dress, SHE can.
Then the game changer happened, she said "I feel confident in this dress." It was HER dress, HER dance, HER decision. So I sat down. And pouted. I sent pictures to my bestie & her daddy, they voted red.
Both dresses looked gorgeous on her & actually "my" dress cost more. Both dresses were "age-appropriate" which I stood firm on. She tried on both dresses a few more times.
But guess which dress we left with...I guess momma doesn't always know best. 99.9% of the time, but not all the time.
So we have a dress, earrings & a hair & makeup appt. & the dance isn't till Oct. 1st. Oh & no date yet!


Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Screw it.

My brain cells are fried! I'm taking the easy way out... (& copying that cute hot mess & my social media girl crush @whoasusannahblog - except she's nowhere near as crude as me) so I'm just going to use the socials to post.

Hit me up at www.facebook.com/semislackerconfessions & Instagram @semislackerconfessions 

My IG posts are freakin brilliant! because I'm addicted to these damn memes.

I'll also be posting some of my reviews from my super trashy romance novels. Because I love these authors that give me advanced copies of their books & care what I think about them!

Plus, it took me about 4 hours to write that last post & I've got shit to do...

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Fun Facts or Confessions?

Yes, I know there is a link to  100 (or so) True Stories about me in my header, but that was from like 5 years ago & there might be new people that stop by & I found this on Pinterest...
so here goes. 20 Fun Facts about me & my crew. Not that I really need any fodder, I've got tons of ideas in my head. I just still can't figure out how to EASILY get my pictures on here to make it look cool. These pics were a pain in the ass to post.  And I've got to make myself sit down & write. And not read my books. or Facebook. or Instagram. or Pinterest. or even Twitter (& I hate Twitter!).  Blogging was so much easier before all these distractions. PS: I promise not to post on all these nerdy suggestions.

1. I have a degree in Mass Communications with an emphasis in Advertising/PR. So I'm a SAHM, volunteer at my children's school (PTO secretary last year, yeah I'm an overachiever like that), review trashy romance novels (which is totally cool but its my guilty pleasure so I keep it on the DL) & now I'm trying to get back into writing this blog.  Daddy's money well spent. Also, btws, I took like maybe 5 computer classes in college & that was the mid 90s.



2. My hair is naturally blond. I just help to keep it that way & I'm addicted to my ponytail.  Like I might need a support group. Surely I could totally qualify to go to rehab (for something). And I'm 41. My Southern Belle grandmother probably rolls over in her grave every time I pull it up.

3. My favorite vacation spot is the beach. St. George Island, Florida to be more specific. And Ormond Beach (only bc we go with a large group of friends & with kids so we don't have to entertain others). And Mexico Beach (we have a boat there). Well pretty much any beach, especially the Florida Panhandle. I love the beach, but I hate the sand. And hauling all the crap to & fro. I grew up spending my summers at my grandparents condo, Inn Paradise, in Panama City Beach & my lifelong friend's family beach house on 30A. Retro wouldn't buy me a beach house because he knows I'll stay there from May to August. And he'll miss ME, the kids notsomuch. It's my dream to go to somewhere like Boro Boro, but I don't fly so there's that.



4. I think my children are my greatest accomplishment. I always wanted 3 children (boys preferably but that's another story) 2 years apart.  But they were a bitch to get here; I hemorrhaged after delivering Sassy. I had 2 IUIs (fertility treatments) & ectopic pregnancy between Sassy & Bo. A year after Bo, at my 1st fertility appt for #3, surprise I was PG.   Saved that 10G.  I had postpartum preclampsia (congestive heart failure) after Baby Girl. All 3 were large babies for my small frame. My uterus finally prolapsed. (That bitch was DONE! I had a hysterectomy at 32. If I was physically & mentally able, independently wealthy as crap & had a full-time staff; I would totally have more children. 

My little hams
5. I am legit a Semi-SLACKER Mom. I'm a bad housekeeper, never claim to be an interior decorator - my house is very "lived in", none of my babies were breastfeed (faulty milk ducts), I lie to them ALL.THE.TIME. (Chick-fil-a got a bad health rating, we'll see..., any excuse to get out of doing something.) I don't make them eat vegetables. I make cookies, attend all their activities & spoil them, but not so much that I'm not "the meanest mom ever". I spank them, when needed & hug them in public. They act ugly to us at home, but are not disrespectful to other parents, teachers or authority figures. (That I know of.) They fight like cats & dogs amongst themselves (& their "almost brother" Maddawg) but are not bullies. They will stand up for themselves & their friends.  And I cuss way more than I should.

5. I love my husband more today than the day I married him.  We were both delivered at the same hospital by the same doctor 3.5 years apart & we have lived in the same small-town Georgia all our lives, but didn't meet until we were in our early 20s.  He's a farmer & I'm a homemaker. We're old fashion Southern that way. We like to party & have dates to the Waffle House & Natalia's (the fanciest restaurant around).  He built our house next to my in-laws & I still love him. ;)
6. My dream job would be a soap opera writer.

7. I love Coca-Cola & HATE Pepsi. I like the taste of ketchup, hate the smell & I hate tomatoes.

8. I collect cookbooks. I don't use them, but I have them just the same. I really just like to read them.  It's better for my figure that way.


9. I have 2 tattoos. One on each foot. A "Jesus fish" under my toes on the top of my left foot that I got when I was 21 at The Midnight Iguana in Athens. A wave arrow with ABA under on the heel of my right foot that I got last summer at Ormond Beach. 

10. I have A.D.D. I took meds for it in college. The pills were great for weight loss! (I think it is now banned by the FDA. Buzz kills).  I weighted 98 lbs when I got married. See, major weight loss.

11. I would love to be a judge on Iron Chef America. (Does that show even come on anymore? Before I started spending all my free time reading, I loved watching Food Network. Kinda like the cookbook thing.)


12. I have a brother. We are 4 years apart in age. I'm the social one. And the cute one.

13. I wear my sunglasses all the time. If they aren't on my face, they're on my head. Like so much Ray-Ban should hire me. My eyes are jacked up. (long story) Sensitive & watery. I look like I'm crying in Walmart. 


14. My favorite holidays are Thanksgiving & Christmas.  When I get old, I'm going to be eccentric & leave my house decorated for Christmas all year long. And cook a turkey once a month. And invite over everybody I know & talk with no filter whatsoever.

15. The only sport I'm good at is swimming. And I've pretty much given that up.  But I can still do a flip off the diving board.

16. Biggest "not really" secret... I draw my husband's bath water almost every day. My friends give me hell about it. Another old fashion Southern thing.

17. I'm a pack rat. Totally. Sentiment hoarder as I call it.

18. Don't tell my kids... I smoked pot in college. among other things. Grown-up drugs are either more effective or just plain boring.

19. True Story: I had a tummy tuck & breast lift 4 years ago. I think I need a touch-up. in my tights. and love handles. or gain 20 lbs to fill in this flab & wrinkly skin.


20. My major pet peeve is when someone tells me they are going to do sometime, then don't. *There is totally a post coming on this topic asap.*

Thursday, May 12, 2016

I can't work this damn thing!

Here I am trying to get back into blogging, so I make Retro buy me a MacBook.  I chose a MacBook because...well hell, I don't know. Sassy aka Queen BAL told me thats what all her friends had & we could share.  and i couldn't post pictures from my iPhone so i didn't know if the iPad would be any better.  

My friend, Laura, (damn! I think that might have worked!) has been encouraging me.  I just think I too old to learn new stuff! 

Y'all please be patient with me.  I have several great posts in the works (in the notes app on my phone).  Cleaver, funny, snarky posts!!! Just like old times. But I've got to make myself learn to work this sonofabitch.

I wanted to link up today with Thursday Confessions but I couldn't figure out how anymore.  So... my confession is I suck at blogging.

And I am SO FREAKING DONE with school this year!!! Is 1:30 in the afternoon too so to start drinking?

Think Retro would be pissed if I threw this thing out the offing window?????

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Insta-who?

So Little Hot Mess & I just had this conversation. *when I say just, I mean like 3 hours ago.*

Me: (watching Luda's latest Instagram post & he drops the f bomb) *which I know is inappropriate but she's the 3rd child & as long as she's not the one dropping the f bomb, like at school or church or basically anywhere in public, we're good.*

I mean it could be worse: https://Instagram.com/p/BFCa4MkQa0r/

Hot Mess: I'm gonna have to delete your account. Why are you following all these random people on Instagram? *it was on @semislackerconfessions so she doesn't even know that account exists.*

Me: This is not a random person. It's Ludacris! *he lives in Atlanta so we're pretty much neighbors. 100 miles away.*

Hot Mess: Do you know Ludacris? Have you had lunch with Ludacris?

Me: No, but I saw him live one time. 

Hot Mess: (as she's rolling her eyes) I rest my case.

She's nine. When I was nine we had 3 TV channels & a bicycle.

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Dear Local Entertainment Complex,


Call me an old fuddy-duddy but I'm not quite sure why you think hosting a Mother's Day event is the best idea. 

While my children love your facility; where they can skate, bowl, ride go-carts, play electronic games for "awesome" prizes & generally act like they have absolutely no home-training, I (& the majority of my fuddy-duddy mom friends) think of it as our own personal hell.  
I do, however, commend you on the foresight to put in a bar. If I didn't have to fork out roughly $100 per child, I would love a $7 Jack & Coke. But that plastic airplane, which wouldn't get a second glance in the Dollar Tree, is the must have item of the day therefore my child will try his damnest to win the 1000 tickets needed to own this prized possession (that probably won't even make out of the car when we finally get home) so I'll just take this Xanax instead.  

Back to the Mother's Day thing. While I love my children dearly (& they are the reason for the whole Mother's Day "holiday") it's other people's children that I'm not a big fan of, especially those who really don't have any "home-training".  I'm thinking a better idea would be a NO Mothers Day. Give us the day off! New rule- if you have kids under 18 you get the day off. Daddy's Day at Rigby's, 2 for 1 beer, whatever it takes. Actually I can't think of a single place Retro has taken all 3 kids without me. But that's a whole other post.

So thanks for the thought, but I prefer to spend my Mother's Day laying out by the pool with my Jack & Coke reading my book while my children virtually ignore me. Or hosting a pool party for my momma's entire side of the family (at least I can yell at those kids or hide in the closet, if need be) which is what I'll be doing. 

Thanks so much,
Semi-Slacker Mom

Monday, May 2, 2016

Wanna meet the Semi-Slackers?

Since I'm hoping to get some new visitors or old visitors that need an update, I decided to introduce the fam! Here goes nothing.
Semi-Slacker Mom- That's me! A Southern 40ish Georgia Peach SAHM of 3, loving farmer's wife, wonderful daughter & DIL, volunteer, room mother, Bunko Babe, Republican & a cocktail drinking Methodist who's a little medicated. As I type!!!!

Retro- Hubby, Daddy, wonderful husband, hard-working farmer, fisherman & hunter(bc it gets him out of the house) & finally the breadwinner.

Queen Bitchalot (formerly known as Sassy)-  Teenage daughter, 14, high maintenance, EXPENSIVE, drama queen (only at home-PTL, soccer player, soon to be high school Freshman, the bane of my existence & sometimes my BFF.

Bo- Son, 11 year old tween, middle child, momma's boy, all-boy acting daredevil (par core, whatever the hell that is) basketball & football player & hip-hop (or something like that) dancer & computer nerd (I could throat punch the inventor of Xbox). He loves his mommy the best!

Badeline/Hot Mess/Baby Girl- Youngest daughter, 9 years old, Boss Lady, everybody's entertainment, hot-tempered (don't piss her off) with no filter (working on that), softball & basketball player. Her BFF & "our 4th child", Maddawg are inseparable. He's a main character as well.

Punkin & Martha Stewart- Our Besties & Maddawg's parents. 

Babsy & Pop, Daddy B/BB & Gammi-the grandparents.

Beauregard the English Bulldog, Buck the Black Lab & Blue the Catahoula (just google it), cats galore, ducks & geese (who may soon disappear).
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