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IF SOMETHING YOU READ DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT, I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO PLEAD INSANITY! Or I've already taken my Ambien.







Wednesday, July 29, 2009

You can't always trust Google

I've been wanting to do a post like this for a while & I feel like I need to clarify a few things.

For those of you looking for advice on how to tell your husband you're leaving or what to do after you leave your husband, I can't help you. I'm only leaving my hubby if Ryan Reynolds calls. or Matthew Mc. or Adrian G. I'll let you know how that works out.

And will my husband love me when I'm a mom, I don't how you got here, but mine damn well better because he can't divorce me. He couldn't handle every other weekend.

If your husband is a slacker send him to me. I'll help him step up his game. There's only SEMI-slackers around here. But if he has a golf blog roll, I can't help you. I'd rather my hubby had a blog roll than be a scratch player.

For those of you looking for confessions of shoplifters & a Wal-Mart shoplifter, they sent you to the wrong place. I couldn't shoplift from Wal-Mart if I wanted to, because they CHECK MY RECEIPT every time. Wynonna Ryder might could help you with that. Let me know when you find her blog.

I also can't help you if you're looking for an OTC strep test. Granted I do have a mini pharmacy in my medicine cabinet, the Semi-Slackers have never had strep. Everything else, but not strep. But since I wrote that, somebody will have it next week. Check back.

I have a huge recipe collection. Hey, me too! But I don't cook a lick. I like to look at the pictures.

If you're looking for catchy names for semi trucks, how about Haulin' A$&? Confessions of a Truck Driver? Maybe I should google it too.

Christmas angels card? Seriously? I get where they got the Christmas card part- we do that, but angels!?! The people at Google obviously don't read this blog. The Semi-Slacker children are rarely angels on a day-today basis, but throw in a camera, cute clothes & 3 smiles & angels are the last thing I would call them.

And if you find out how to help a bossy 5 yr. old, please let me know because I've got a bossy 7 yr. old & a bossy 2 yr. old. I bet you were disappointed when Google sent you here. or maybe you realized you don't have it that bad after all.

As for these:

blogspot and willaim and mom - I'm sorry but that is not how you spell William. That's all I've got for you.

mom with son secret sex porm hub - Well. I'm a mom with a son. and 2 daughters, so it's not much of a secret that hubs & I have sex. And what is porm? Is that some new term? And with the whole 3 kid thing, you probably wouldn't enjoy our porm.

semi sex picture, mom & young- Huh? It's semi-slacker, not semi-sex. Is that some kind of new fertility term? That's the closest thing to semi sex I've ever had. And yes, I am a mom but I'm not young & I've birthed 3 huge babies. Trust me, you would not enjoy a picture of me like that. The whole sagging boob thing & the topographical map & turtle skin on my belly probably wouldn't do much for you.

19 comments:

Elaine at Matters of the Heart) said...

Holy moley you had me rolling. Too funny. I was just checking my search out today. People are weird.

pink green & southern said...

You crack me UP!

Dana said...

That was so funny...I was laughing out loud! Thanks... I needed that!!!

wearsinappropriateshoes said...

I laughed until I had tears in my eyes. Thank you for this post!

Tales From My Empty Nest said...

That was a hoot!!! You added lots of laughter to my day!!! Hope your week is going well. Love & blessings from NC!

Preppy 101 said...

You are hilarious!! this was a great post! Wonder what kind of search terms will be a result of this! haha xoxoxo

Helene said...

That was hysterical....I love the spin you put on all those google searches! Aren't the things people google so wierd? Like what on earth do they expect to find by typing things like that in to their search engine? Boggles my mind. I read my key words for pure entertainment.

Molly Lou Gifts said...

You have opened up a can of worms now...since you wrote this, you are going to come up for everything. Great post...I'll be sure to check back on a few of those things you mentioned.

Poolside with the Girls said...

Too too funny!!!!

Prissy Southern Prep said...

HAHAHA!! I am LMAO!

Domestic Diva said...

Too funny. Ok I tried to do the frog tracker thing. How does that work. CLUELESs!!
Have a fabulous day!!
xxxx me

Princess Freckles said...

Hilarious! How can I find when my blog pops up in google?

a H.I.T. said...

I'm dying. Why aren't my google search terms that funny?

Miss Anne said...

LOL I love how you incorporated all the site results into your post... seriously creative and fun!

HILARIOUS too!

ha!

xo

EntertainingMom said...

OMG you are effing hillarious!!!!

Kathy B! said...

I love how people end up on blogs!! HILARIOUS! My random visitors are usually looking for snakes *shudders*

SarahHub said...

Laughing so hard...

Pearls To Hide My Neck said...

I think you could possibly write a book. I'd buy it. This is too funny!

Melissa said...

HAHAHA!!!! THis is hilarious!I get all sorts of mommy sex in bathroom searches. I was unaware that was a fetish. And WTH???

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