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IF SOMETHING YOU READ DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT, I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO PLEAD INSANITY! Or I've already taken my Ambien.







Wednesday, January 13, 2010

What I meant to say...

Again this is not exactly what Chief had in mind, but maybe y'all will get a smile out of it anyway.

In the wake of all this "political correctness", I've been trying to clean up my language a bit. Here's a few examples...

What I said: He has a 'BEER GUT'.
What I meant to say: He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

What I said: He is a 'BAD DANCER'.
What I meant to say: He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'

What I said: He 'GETS LOST ALL THE TIME.'
What I meant to say: He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS. '

What I said: He is 'BALDING.'
What I meant to say: He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

What I said: He acts like a 'TOTAL A**. '
What I meant to say: He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'


What I said: His 'CRACK' is hanging out of his pants.
What I meant to say: It's 'REAR CLEAVAGE'.

What I said: That girl is 'EASY.'
What I meant to say: She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

What I said: She is a 'DUMB BLONDE.'
What I meant to say: She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. '

What I said: She has 'BEEN AROUND.'
What I meant to say: She is a 'PREVIOUSLY- ENJOYED COMPANION.'

What I said: She's a 'NAG.'
What I meant to say: She becomes ' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

What I said: She is a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER.'
What I meant to say: She is a ' LOW COST PROVIDER.'

Check out Hiding from the Kids for more What I meant to say Wednesdays!

3 comments:

Chief said...

you are a genius!

I am so using some of these!

pink green & southern said...

Forget "previously enjoyed companion". Where I come from that *itch is just rode hard and put up wet!

Bre said...

These were hilarious!! Precious blog, so glad I stumbled over! :-)

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