Wednesday, March 16, 2011

PYHO: A Different Kind of Mommy Guilt

Today is the 1 year anniversary of Shell's Pour Your Heart Out.  This has been such a wonderful addition to the blog world.

She quoted me, along with several other bloggers, saying this about PYHO-
@SemiSlackerMom: It gives you support. All the comments lifting you up, meeting people going through the same things as you. Confessions of a Semi-Slacker Mom

I don't participate much because, well I'm not that sweet & I really don't hold things in. Plus, I'm more sarcastic than sappy.  Not that all the posts are sappy, but some WILL make you cry.

But seeing that it's Shell's anniversary & something deep did happen this weekend that I want to share, I'm joining in.

The last time I linked up with PYHO, I wrote about my mommy guilt associated with the medical-ish problems I've passed down to my daughters; Baby Girl's urinary tract problems (which she is having surgery on tomorrow!) & Sassy's ADD. This time I'm talking about a different kind of mommy guilt. 

Have you ever be so mad at one of your children that you just had to remove yourself from the situation? 

If we're friends on Facebook (if not, it's Semi Slacker) then you might know that Bo busted my laptop screen on Sunday afternoon.  He got mad at the computer which he shouldn't have been on in the first place because it wasn't doing what he wanted it to do because he's 6 & thinks he's a computer genius & he punched the screen.  I don't know where he gets that temper his father, my brother because I'm totally calm & yell & scream & cuss.

Everyone else was outside working in the yard where he should have been & he comes out & tells me "Mommy, I did something bad to your computer." I'm thinking he just pressed some button & something weird happened.  No. I take one look at it & know it's ruined. (My bestie had the same thing happen a month or so ago.)  I was FURIOUS!  And that's probably an understatement.

I was so mad I don't even know what I said.  I'm sure I dropped an f-bomb or 2, asked if he's lost his mind, I don't think I called him stupid, but I can't promise.  Then I proceeded to spank him.  I hit him till my hand hurt. But I don't think that did too much damage, because I'm pretty weak & it doesn't take much to make my hand hurt.  Then I sent him away "because I just can't look at you right now".

I was crying & went to tell Retro.  The girls backed away because they knew I was pissed.  Retro, on the other hand, didn't make as big a deal out of it as I wanted him to.  Probably because it wasn't his, he didn't pay for it & he didn't really like it anyway.  He banned Bo from the remaining desktop computer, I added FOREVER, fussed at him, told him he was going to throw him in the pond (which was really just a joke, but Bo was scared not really).  Then we made him do work in the yard.

Bo is the one child that rarely gives me any trouble.  The girls I yell at all the time. If you're a momma with boys & girls you probably understand.  It broke my heart to be so mad at him.  I'm still very disappointed in him.  My momma was teasing me & said 'the favorite child isn't the favorite anymore'. But she is kind of right.  Now they ALL get on my nerves! (insert smirk)

The mommy guilt I'm having now is, I'm bad about holding a grudge & I feel like I'm holding one on my child.

*I also burned my boob cooking dinner that night.  FYI- If you have big boobs, don't cook with a low cut tank top on.  Lesson learned.

**I know you all can't wait for my post regarding the sex survey.  I have to compile all my "research", so it should be ready on Monday!  If you haven't answered there's still time.


Anonymous said...

Sorry about the laptop. I hope you're able to get a new one soon.

I only have boys but they do things to make me lose my s%*t all the time. You'll eventually stop being mad at him and he'll always love you no matter what.

Unknown said...

OH hun we all have those moments. My oldest is bipolar and recently admitted he was addicted to drugs. I had come to the point with him that I could no longer be hurt by his behavior and choices. I told him to get out or get help. Which I had said before but this time I meant it. I think we all have a breaking point. I think we all say or do things we shouldn't cause we are human.
I hop you feel better about this soon and get a new laptop

Christi said...

My screen on my laptop got smashed not too long ago, but don't fret! You can replace the screen. You can buy one (got mine on ebay) and have someone with some computer knowledge just put it in for you (I have none, so I found someone who does). A co-worker of mine charged me $25 to slip my new screen on. Now it is good as new and I am not out $1000 for a new laptop.

Shell said...

Oh, no! Sorry about the laptop. I occasionally lose it with my kids. Not to the point where they are in danger(for anyone who is reading this comment and thinking I abuse them), but I say more than I should. I have to walk away sometimes.

Jennifer said...

I haven't been there yet, but I know I could easily get to that place. My mom would get so mad at my brother she would have to leave the house to keep from hurting him. Thankfully I was old enough to watch him while she went and cooled down. I say walking away is better than doing something you should regret later. You didn't do that in my opinion. You just got deservedly pissed. It will lessen as time goes on and you'll both learn from it.

Not a Perfect Mom said...

OMG what a horrible mommy you are-start saving for therapy babe...
okay-seriously...we've all been there and I prob would have done the exact same thing...and I am a master grudge holder, so I would totally hold one against my own kids, especially if you fucked with my computer..hello? it's my link...
and really? that really sucks...I would totally be pissed, wow-wrecking a computer, that's a new one...ugh..the more I think about it the madder I get for you..
want me to come spank him now? you know, for a good measure?
and congrats on burning your boob! that's a new one!

Adrienne said...

Its so frustrating to be that mad when you don't want to be mad at your children. I don't want to be mad, i want to do fun things, and then they have to go and do something wrong and RUIN it.

Expat Barbie said...

we are all the imperfect parents of imperfect children.

if one of my kids had wrecked my computer, i probably would have wanted to beat them with the mouse. just saying.

Evonne said...

I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing if one of my kids broke my computer. I tend to hold grudges and I have done it to them in the past. It sucks!

Sorry about your boob!

Helene said...

See, this is one of the reasons I adore you...because I can ALWAYS relate to you, whether it's a rare occasion when you're being sappy or a lovable moment of sarcasm. I get it. I'm so right there with you.

I've been guilty of getting that angry at my kids and then holding a grudge for days. DAYS!!!

I remember once being SO mad at Cole for doing something I told him not to do because he would get hurt and then when he finally did get hurt my reaction was "I told you so. Don't come to me for hugs and kisses. It's your own damn fault".

But you know what, we're all human. And even moms are entitled to meltdowns every once in awhile. As odd as it sounds, I think it's good for our kids to see us have these meltdowns because it shows them that even WE aren't perfect.

In the end, they know we love them. I mean, really....what screams louder than burning your boob while cooking them dinner?

nomo wino daph said...

Oh honey, sorry about your computer. I hope your up and running or fixed or renewed soon.

I am DYING at the burned boob......

Cyndy Bush said...

There are very few material things that I am attached to.
My laptop is one of those things.
If one of my kids broke it....it would not be a happy day in their life.
Or week.
Or month.
Sorry about your burnt ta-ta. xoxo

Cyndy Bush said...

There are very few material things that I am attached to.
My laptop is one of those things.
If one of my kids broke it....it would not be a happy day in their life.
Or week.
Or month.
Sorry about your burnt ta-ta. xoxo

Jessica said...

Wow. My husband and I don't have kids, yet, but this is the kind of thing that makes me cringe, because I know things like that will happen. Our house isn't very kid-friendly...which is going to have to change.... :)

Babes Mami said...

If a kid broke my computer I would probably react in the same way. Punching a computer? You know? I have yelled at Babe a few times (who is only 1.5) and I always feel terrible but OMG was he pissing me off at the time. We can't be perfect!

Lourie said...

Oh no! I don't know what I would have done. So sorry. And yeah we got watch out for the girls--esp when you have big ones. ;) Hope it didn't burn too much.

Foursons said...

I know that mommy guilt and I hate it too. But we have all been there and I think the hardest thing is to forgive ourselves. I'm impressed he came and told you and didn't run away and hide. Which is what I probably would have done.

Tracie Nall said...

I hate to say.....I'm pretty sure I would have reacted the same way.

It would not have been pretty.

He knows you love him!

....and yes, I am waiting on the results of that survey! ;-)

Adrienne said...

I am lucky with my Tyler but he has made me very very pissed a couple of times and they are the couple I yelled and spanked him... I can still recall all 3 times like they were happening now...It hurts me so much to think about but I know in the end there was reason to really get made... He took a full length mirror off his door and set it against the bed to make a slide of course it shattered and scared the devil out of me I was so mad and scared all at once it was just crazy... Kids will always be doing crazy things. Sorry about the lap top

Michelle said...

I have one child who brings these little occasional "fits" out in me..it always brings me to my knees in shame afterwards. (((hugs))) it happens, you are a good MOM!

BTW, can't relate to the burned boobie...wish I could, but won't unless the magical plastic surgeon fairy passes this way!

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