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Friday, February 25, 2011

The fool in L&D

I have yet to watch an episode (because I always forget, but I just set my DVR so...) but I love all the previews I've seen of Lifetime's new reality show, One Born Every Minute.  Y'all know, it's the show about Labor & Delivery.  They show scenes of a woman in active labor posting on Facebook, a daddy dropping a camera on the newborn & a husband reading a book while his wife is pushing.  You know, normal stuff.

If I'd of known this would be a hit, I would have videoed scenes from the delivery room all three times I was in there.  Because with me & my family, there's going to be some kind of craziness.

With Sassy, I was the first of my close friends to have a baby, plus all our family, so we had quite the audience.  Well not so much of an audience, since only a few select people got to see a baby come out of my business.  Unless you count my acquaintance friend, Tori who be-bopped into the room at an inopportune time. Whoopsy.

One of my friends from church was my L&D nurse & if she didn't think I was crazy before, she does now.  After pushing for quite some time, she mentioned that she could feel Sassy's head full of hair.  I then proceeded to tell her to "grab her by it & pull her out".  My mother was mortified.  While all this was going on, Retro was standing beside the top of the bed patting my head like a dog.  "Good job, you can do it..."  After she was born, I hemorrhaged, she liked to have killed me.  I should have known she was going to be trouble right then & there.  

Oh. Let me not forget having to get Retro & Dr. H to stop chit-chatting to DELIVER MY BABY.

Bo birth was pretty uneventful, probably because it happened at 3:30 in the morning.  His shoulders did get kinda stuck, but how funny is that.  I'll tell you...not very, pushing a 9 lb baby out of my little 5-foot body.

Now Baby Girl, well let's start with my mother having to run the preacher out of the room so I could push.  Seriously.  That was the last person I wanted to see my lady parts.  And I may or may not have said an ugly word or two while he was in the room.  You'd think when I start cussing, it's time to clear the room.  And Retro, he went from hiding behind me, patting my head with Sass to all up in my business with Baby Girl, like he was going to deliver her himself.  And once again, I believe I had to stop the storytelling & redirect him & Dr. H back to the activity at hand.

I'm not a nurse & don't plan to ever become one, I would totally go for Labor & Delivery because I know they have all kinds of stories to tell.

12 comments:

Not a Perfect Mom said...

4 c sections...no dignity with that, none..and with Hope there was like 10 students in the room watching...nice!
and I hemorrhaged after Brooke, and stupidly chose the manual D&C so I could see her instead of surgery, which if I chose I wouldn't have been able to go to NICU until the next day...
word of advice, don't ever choose the manual D&C, her arm shoved all the way scraping my uterus with her hand...they had to peal me off the ceiling...
So I think I'll do my hubs vasectomy myself when it comes time

Ms.Wasteland said...

I keep forgetting to watch that show, too but I think it looks pretty entertaining.

The TO patted me when I was in labor with Z, too and I told him to get his effing hands off me.

Ms.Wasteland said...

I keep forgetting to watch that show, too but I think it looks pretty entertaining.

The TO patted me when I was in labor with Z, too and I told him to get his effing hands off me.

Laura said...

HOW did I miss this show?? I must check it out! Have a great weekend, girl!

Jennifer said...

I have a couple of friends that work in L&D and they say the show is right on.

Preppy 101 said...

Hilarious! You must write the story about each birth and put it in their baby books! hehe XOXO

Dysfunctional Mom said...

I havent watched it yet but since it sounds like the kind of crap drama I usually watch, I need to check it out!
I only had actual labor the first time (the other 2 were c-sections and I never went into labor) and that one time was enough for me. People get stupid when women are trying to have a baby. I remember my (now - ex) husband's sil saying that HE needed a break and he should walk outside and have a beer with them. Swear to God. I let fly with some curse words after that, for sure.

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

And I don't have anything beyond Broadcast cable, so I'm SOL! I'd love to be a doula... be there for the births without needing ALL the nurse training... oh the stories! I didn't want anyone there with me... thought the ex, the nurse, and the midwife were too many... didn't even tell anyone I was in labor the first time!

Henley on the Horn said...

you are so funny! I can't believe you had so many visitors who tried to get a glimpse of your____!!!!

Shell said...

LOL Sounds much like my crazy stories!

Life Without Pink said...

Oh I haven't watched the story yet but I saw an interview with the guy that dropped the cell phone on his baby's head! And OMG a 9lb baby how did you do it???

Mo 'Betta said...

I was a labor & delivery nurse for abt a year and a half. It was an experience. And of course, I preceeded to have one of the worst deliveries with my first child!

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