Thursday, December 9, 2010

Sass, tweens & self esteem

I have something kind of strange going on with Sassy.  I don't know if it's tween angst, self esteem or shyness, but here's what's going on.

At school, she runs the show.  She can be shy around the teachers, but with her friends she is Miss Personality.  Even with the boys, she is still one of the most popular kids in the class.  Granted there is only 32 children in her grade, but you get the picture.

At school, she is very outgoing.  She cheers & loves all the social activities.  I guess it's because she gets lots of attention, which she thrives on.  However, she does like to have her mother involved in all her activities.

At church, now that's a whole different story.   She is very shy, stand-offish & really doesn't like to participate.  The ages of the children range from Kindergarten to 5th grade & she is only close to one girl her age (Lil). 

Also, there is another little girl that may or may not be a bit of a bully.  She is always around Lil & sometimes she lets Sass hang with them, but sometimes she doesn't.  I really try not to get involved, but I'm not a fan of bullies & have been known to call one out.  and I may or may not have tried to trip the aforementioned one Wednesday night.

Sass doesn't want to do drama or choir at church, which to some degree is okay because with school & all, I don't want her overloaded.  And after seeing the drama club's Christmas play, she has decided to join in.  She won't even go to Sunday School because of you know who.

My question is how can I get her to act more like she does at school at church or should I not worry about it?  or should I just take out the problem child?

I'm glad she learns some Christian values at school because she's not a big fan of church.

*Changing churches is not an option.  We were their first.


Sabrina said...

Is this someone you can talk with. I don't want her not liking church and you KNOW we are all trying to figure out who it is cuz can't nobody mess with our babies! We must get it worked out.

Jessica said...

Mine avoids going to his children's class and usually sits with his dad (while I'm in the baby class). Unfortunately our bully situation is a cousin. I would like to hear how you work it out. If I had advice I would be using it... but I don't. :-(

Anonymous said...

Poor Sass. Bullying is the worst - as a kid OR as an adult. Will she talk to you about it? If you could get her to tell you about it, you might could tell her specific things to help her get comfortable with it/her/the meanie.
Good luck!!!

Laura said...

Hmmmm....that's a tough one. I'm sorry that I have nothing to offer. Except to say that I would still make Alise go to church and I would probably say something to her SS teacher or children's/youth minister.

highheeledlife said...

What an awful situation for everyone involved. I think its important to let Sass know she has done nothing to make this person act this way. Instead of being afraid of "bully" Sass needs to feel sorry for her.

Do you know antything about this "bully" family life? That may explain her behaviour (sometimes even children that come from GREAT homes, lack what they need most unconditional love and time ~ this may be the case here)My guess is that the "bully" is a troubled young lady - and is desepartely looking for both attention and acceptance,unfortunately she is going about it the wrong way ... and is headed down a very dangerous road.

I wonder if it would work to approach the "bully" and ask her if she can help Sass feel more comfortable with certain church activities ... this may be the first time this "bully" is actually treated nice and she may surprise everyone by actually becoming a sweet person. Ok this is coming from someone who has no children ~ so proceed with caution.

Sass; from me to you ( a complete stranger)..from the photos your mom has shared and the wonderful , funny, witty, stories she has shared in her posts. You are a brilliant young lady, try to understand that not everyone is blessed with wonderful parents, siblings , family and friends. This little girl must feel really alone and unhappy with herself to treat someone (such as you) with little respect. Joined the activities you would like, keep smiling that gorgeous smile and say a little prayer for this girl. Hugs xo HHL

Sandra said...

Hey Sweetie - This is a really tough situation to handle. Let me say this and I would bet my next paycheck that the bully is jealous of Sass. That's usually what precipitates this kind of behavior. That being said, regarding HHL's advice, proceed with caution when asking the bully to help Sass. What you really have to know is 1. is the bully insecure and unhappy and jealous, but really not mean or 2. is the bully a MEAN girl? If she is one of the mean girls, she can be dangerous. If she is the other, she might respond to y'all befriending her, etc. Mean girls are vicious. You know my 33 years in the classroom + the fact that I raised a daughter = plenty of insight into the dynamics of girls. If you want to discuss this further with more info about the girl, I'll email you my phone number and we can chat it up about this. I'm glad to help you anyway I can. You know that. Love!

nomo wino daph said...

HHL is such a wordsmith and said everything I was thinking, LOL. Seriously, I have been through the mean girls thing this yr and ugh it breaks your heart!!! (((HUGS))) (((HUGS))) (((HUGS)))

RN Mama said...

Alivia had this exact problem last year:( I didn't want to talk to the bullies Mom because she's actually a teacher at school, so instead I talked to the mom of the little girl Alivia was friends with. I told her that Alivia didn't want to go to children's church anymore because of the bully, and she talked to her daughter, so her daughter would try to hang out more by Alivia. Does that make any kind of sense? Probably not.

Lourie said...

Oh poor Sass. I feel her pain. I was not accepted by my peers at church. I didn't want to go. I like what RN Mama said. Sass needs an alliance. Best of luck to her and you. (((hugs)))

Shannon said...

That's a tough one...I'll have to get back to ya when GG is a tween! Lawdy help us all! Good luck with this!



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