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IF SOMETHING YOU READ DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT, I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO PLEAD INSANITY! Or I've already taken my Ambien.







Saturday, December 18, 2010

Dear Santa,

I just wanted to drop you a note this year, (I hope you read my blog!)
in hopes that you could add a few things for me in your Christmas Eve haul.

I've been fairly good, thanks to my meds, Wellbutrin & Xanax. 
(Cool reindeer names. Goes great with Blitzen.) 
No f-bombs at family dinners, the D word maybe, still having flashbacks.
Stay on my good side & I can be quite the vixen.

I've only threatened to run away a time or two,
and haven't harmed anyone, when a time-out will do. for me.
The house may not always be clean, it's still standing & that's a plus.
I keep the children alive & they don't even cuss. much

I'm not asking for much, a modern-day cell phone & a nip or a tuck.
The first one's a bust & recovery for me & all that I do, surely would suck.
I guess I've have to scratch those off my list.
But don't worry, there's still more things that I can't resist.

I did see a pink BB gun that I surely would like.
I don't why that makes Retro nervous, I can't seem figure it out.
Botox would be nice, no recovery time for that.
Or at the very least a spa day. I can get you some numbers if you're in doubt.

A weekend getaway would be a dream,
with Retro, my girls (not the ones I birthed) or even just me.
I'd settle for the Holiday Inn right in town.
The nail place's next door, so maybe that's the key.

I got you something Santa & you didn't even buy it.
It's not what you are thinking, get your mind out of the gutter.
I know you're going to love it & your smile is gift enough.
But remember cash always makes my heart go aflutter.

(But just in case, I got myself some TOMS, a Burberry scarf & a snazzy new hat.)

All my love,
Semi-Slacker Mom


*This is my sad attempt at poetry. In my defense, I'm home alone with 2 wild children, red velvet cookies & eggnog!*

8 comments:

Laura said...

I'm about to hit the bottle myself, too! Been home alone with a 5 year old all day while the Mister has been in the woods. I've cleaned and baked, too. Merry Christmas!

Brittney said...

you did great :) i love it haha

Foursons said...

Very nice letter. I don't see how Santa could pass you buy this year with such fabulous prose.

Preppy 101 said...

This is GREAT!! I love it. You are so cute and funny. xoxo

mamamagnolia said...

Excellent poetry- I could have joined you in writing some deliriously funny stuff yesterday as I spent Christmas with the hubby's family.

Jennifer said...

Santa needs to listen up.

Debra said...

Too funny! I am sure Santa will be good to you. :)

flip flops and pearls said...

You always make me smile...
chhers!
xo

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