Monday, June 28, 2010

Bad genes leads to major mommy guilt!

Thanks to me, both of my girls are currently experiencing some medical-ish issues. Apparentally I did more than just pass down my good looks.

Some of you know about Baby Girl's urinary tract problems.  And you may know that I had the same thing going on when I was little, plus she still wets the bed (or would if she didn't wear pull-ups) & so did I. She also has accidents & holds her urine when she has an infection. I can see the pain in her eyes when she holds it & it breaks my heart, but I can't make her stop doing it. 

My parents took me to all kinds of doctors & specialists when I was little, to no avail.  I eventually grew out of the bed-wetting, thank the Lord, as well as the frequent UTIs (aside from a flare-up last year, which was handled with a small surgery). 

She (& I had) has what's called renal (or vesicoureteral) reflux.  As of now, she's under the category that does not require surgery & she should grow out of it by age 5.  And I know that she will grow out of the bed-wetting, as well. So unless something changes or worsens in the next year, we are pretty much stuck in the wait & see game. 

Now, we are about to start on a quest to help Sassy with a problem that she also heredited from me.  ADD.  I wasn't diagnosed until college, but struggled all through school, mostly middle & high school.

Very few people know this but I spent 2 summers during high school in summer school.  My high school diploma has a general education seal instead a college prep one.  My best subject was obliviously English (I was in the top group), but I took general math with the slow (or didn't give a damn) kids. I did, however, have a variety of friends & was easily elected to student council my senior year.

I did manage to get into college, but I probably wouldn't be able to if I was to apply today.  Of course I didn't get any kind of scholarship, my daddy just wrote lots of checks. I struggled again through the first year or so.  Then I was diagnosed with Attention Deficient,which was pretty much a new thing back then. The doctor said I was passed along without much notice because I was a girl, I was blond & not a behavior problem. Basically, I was just categorized a dumb blond.

But school ain't what it was 25 years ago & her hair is more dirty blond & Sass is already struggling in the 2nd grade.  Initially, I thought she might be dyslexic & that still may very well be part of it, but I think I was just in denial. Toward the end of school, her teacher told me I should have her tested for ADD (now they refer to it as ADHD but she's far from hyperactive), so tomorrow the testing process begins. at the price tag of $1245 that insurance isn't paying! I feel that is a bit of racket. What do the people that can't afford this do? Continue to have their children struggle in school? I digress.

I feel so guilty that this is the legacy I have left to my children.  Retro & my in-laws don't really understand either of these conditions.  My FIL thinks that once Baby Girl gets some medicine, she's all better. He doesn't seem to grasp that it's not that simple. Oh how I wish it was. I'm an "if it's broke, fix it" kind of girl. So this is really frustrating.

And Rhett thinks Sass just needs to "buckle down". Whatevs. I'm in charge of their health & well-being, he just writes the check.  I am really glad that I am getting some help for Sass now, because there's no way she could make it through the school she attends. I went to public school in the 80s & early 90s. I wasn't the only non-rocket scientist.  And I'm hoping this will improve her bitchy negative additude.

At least I've got these problems spread between 2 children & not just 1 like my parents. Sorry Momma & Daddy! And I know things could be much worse & I know I am blessed, so don't add to my guilt by telling me how lucky I am.

Thankfully, no one can blame me for Bo's ear problems!! The only thing that child got from me is blond hair & a cute smile!


Anonymous said...

your a wonderful mommy...this is stuff you can not control, dont hold onto the guilt ;)


RN Mama said...

Girl, you know I can relate on the urinary issues! I'm not sure if I told you this before, but my daughter was right in the middle area of needing surgery or waiting. When the doctor told us, I said to sign us up for the surgery! At that time I thought it would be a quick fix...but 2 years later, and while she doesn't get UTIs anymore, we still have the urinary dysfunction/urgency syndrome:(

That is a major racket about paying for that testing! Seriously, what does the test involve?

Sherrie said...

Sorry to hear about the issues with Baby Girl and Sass. You're doing a great job girl, so continue to advocate for your children! I hope that all of the testing for Sass will give you some the answers you need to help her. Stay strong...it's tough being a momma sometimes.

Jennifer said...

Every time I find out something new that is wrong with me (bad disks) I blame my momma, and then I laugh about it. Girl that is just laugh. The good part is that you've recognized what is going on, you can relate, and you are doing something about it. That's all you can really do at this point. Well that and quit blaming yourself. Genetics is a crap shoot. God decided what they needed and gave it to them.

Molly @ View From a Saddle said...

I can relate to Sassy!

my second grade teacher- i won't mention a names- insisted that i be tested for ADD.
I tested, I was, and I was medicated. I took Ritalin for I don't know how many years.. and I don't know how many times of sitting in that big chair in front of that man with the white beard asking me 'do you feel like you pay more attention in school?'.. and he was on Orange st in Macon. haha
I told them a few years later that it wasn't helping me anymore. I proceeded without I made it through that school just fine and went on to Auburn! :)
Now, I think I could have used the 'disabilities' excuse- testing separately.. that would be awesome!

Anyways, Whatever happens it will help her until she gets old enough to be disciplined about her studies! Promise.

Crayon Princess said...

It is so hard seeing our babies go through anything that we cannot control. I nearly had a nervous breakdown going through Mattie Claire's two eye surgeries. I was extremely lucky to have a surgeon that I truly trusted. I will keep you and your girls in my prayers!

Anonymous said...

I hope you find the answers for Sassy. Brandon was tested and diagnosed with ADHD but all the medicine did was make him crazy and we tried so MANY. Maybe you will have better luck.

Babes Mami said...

Your such a bad mom! Feel better? Kidding, I would never say that to you. Sadly, we don't get to pick what we pass on. I'm hoping that Babe doesn't inheiret Chris' childhood anger or my sides eating disorder issues but you never know.

My little brother was diagnosed with ADHD but the medicine made him lethargic, he lost tons of weight and didn't feel like himself. They finally found him a combo of what worked but we didn't know anything about it. You've been through it so you know what she needs! That makes her lucky (haha sorry mentioned lucky) to have you as her mommy to help her through it.

Laura said...

Don't you dare beat yourself up over all this! You have been blessed with three beautiful children and God will give you the strength you need to get through this little valley. Take 2 happy pills and call me in the morning! Ha! Love ya!

Leiah said...

I too thought my daughter was either dyslexic or ADD, had the school district test her but their tests said she wasn't. She studied her heart out but would still fail tests. I mentioned my concerns to a friend who happens to also be a teacher and she said to ask for them to test her for Irlen's Syndrome. It is a severe form of dyslexia but doesn't test as 'normal' dyslexia. There are different symptoms but Katiebug's was that she had difficulty tracking things - when she read the words would fall off the page, or end up further down the page out of order causing severe confusion, frustration, etc. Once she was tested and they found out what her 'colors' were, she had to use colored overlays in her text books and worksheets. The difference was unbelievable. My child no longer cried every time she got her test results. Of course this wasn't until the end of her sophomore year in high school. She's in college now, still using the overlays when necessary and does NOT take scantron tests. Thankfully her school district did the testing because this single mom could not have afforded to pay for it out of pocket. I beat myself up for a long time about it so I understand. But when she calls me now to tell me with so much pride in her voice that she got B in Political Science I realize I can't change the past but I can sure celebrate the present with her. Hugs & prayers to you and Sass!

Shell said...

That is insane about the testing. Though, at least this way, they should be thorough.

I've had an eval team suggest ADHD to me about my 4 year old and I hate them for it. If things continue like this, sure, we will get him further evaluated, but no freaking way am I medicating my 4 year old.

SIGH. Don't get me wrong, I saw when I was a teacher the difference it could make, but that was with older kids, not preschoolers.

Okay, rant over.

Good luck!

mFw said...

That's so hard for you and Sassy! Also ridiculous about the price but I think its needed. One thing to know, my mom is an LD teacher and she said that ADHD/ADD have become much more common recently so she won't be the only one. Good luck with everything!!

jennlowe66 said...

Wow! a lot of similarities between us. My daughter, who is now nine, was diagnosed with the same thing. Her first UTI was at the age of five weeks. We would go periodically for a VCUG to see how it was progressing. She did outgrow it w/o surgery. She was also diagnosed with ADD in second grade. And, bonus!....a diagnosis of Asperger's this year. Never a dull moment with this child!

Poolside with the Girls said...

That seems nuts for the testing. I thought the schools provided the testing. I guess I am out of the loop but like you said, what if someone can't afford it? Seems like it should be covered through the school.

Messy Mommy said...

That's so tough to watch your kids go through that. Hang in there!

Mom of Three said...

Girl you are my blog twin. Everything will be fine. Pinky promise.

Henley on the Horn said...

You just hang in there. We ALL have issues that we fight with our children. I promise. You just be their advocate and encourage them any way you can, just like you are now. And give yourself a break. Trials make us stronger. You will have 2 strong, self-sufficient daughters!!!

clare said...

From one mom to another...not your fault...at all. My daughter was in Pull-ups until she was almost 9 and is totally fine now. I am very surprised that you have to pay so much for the testing. I think it is ridiculous. Thanks for posting. I love reading your blog.

Jessica Ryan said...

Christopher is ADD (or ADHD but I too hate that label) and his dx was the best thing that could have happened to him. I was dx'd too, and like you not until too late. I had just graduated. The meds have helped C enormously. ENORMOUSLY. I the effects less so over the summer months and more so over the school year. Yes, he definitely has a loss of appetite when on the meds, but he really needs them to function during the school year.

Tracie said...

Sorry you're kids got some of your less-desirable genes. But I'll be they also got your sassy personality, sense of humor, and good looks!

At least kids are getting diagnosed early these days and getting the help they need.

JennRawks said...

WOW eye opening really cause not being in the school days with my 2 daughters yet..i dont know what to expect. so i wish the best for you and your children and hope you find resolution.

Im absolutely a new follower =)
nice to meet cha!

Unknown said...

At least you'll be able to recognize what's going on with your children and help them, instead of them waiting for the help they need to come in their college years. My oldest son was diagnosed with ADHD, and I can relate to come of the frustrations. Good luck with the testing. And YES, that price tag is crazy!! We didn't go through all of that b/c we chose to handle witout meds. (no judgement here-Every child is different, and with him it didnt do him any good). Sometimes I think he's just an active boy, who's super smart(bored),that was labled in public school. Did I say all of that? Geez! I'll be quiet now. Again, I hope you get some answers for her! Stopping by from PYHO. :)

Sandra said...

I can't believe I didn't read blogs yesterday. So sorry. I feel bad that I didn't know what you were dealing with today. Anyway, I will throw this one little fact out. When I was teaching, we were instructed to NEVER advise or diagnose what we thought was wrong with a child because if we did, the school is responsible for the testing!!!! Yes, so if I told a mom to get her child tested for ADD, then my school was responsible. I promsie I was told that, so you should look into that little matter since the teacher brought this up.

But - that aside. We have all passed on some things to our children that we wish we hadn't - might be physical or emotional. I feel like mine worry because I am such a worrier. Darn it. I don't want them worrying about things like I have. At any rate, your children have inherited more wonderful things from you than problematic things. They are so lucky to have you for a mom cause you are awesome! Look how cute, clever, witty, wise, and smart they are! They got all that good from you and Retro!

Let me know if I can help you in any way once the testing is finished. Glad you like your psychologist. Love ya!!

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