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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I'm trying to be nice



This week, I'm going to try the nice approach to things I've said.

What happened: I was forcing Sass to do helping Sass with her homework, when Baby Girl coughed herself into a pukefest, then she pitched a fit when I stopped to clean up puke.

What I said: Sass have you lost your mind.  #1- Can you not see that your sister just puked all over me & the floor (2 ft. away from you)? #2- It's subtraction. You can do it by yourself.  I don't know why you insist on me standing over you. 

What I meant to say: I'll be with you in one moment Princess Sass.  As soon as I clean up all the puke on me, your sister & the floor.  Your father, however, is not as busy.  

*disclaimer-I said nice, not unsarcastic*

What happened: It's freezing cold in our house & the electric blanket is dying.

What I said: I don't care if the electric bill was $700 last month, I'm cold & I'm wearing pj pants & a oversized tneck to bed.  If you are going to fuss about the money, they're hiring 3rd shift at Mickey D's. And it's way to cold for relations.

What I meant to say: Please jack up the heat to 75 & pick up a new blanket on your way home from your colonocopsy. And a Big Mac Snack Wrap. (Those things are good.)

What happened: Discussion over my wrinkles between Retro & I.

What I said: I don't care if you don't notice my wrinkles.  Actually that means that you don't pay that much attention to me because my 90 year old grandmother commented on them & so did the little boy in Sass's class. (Thanks Walker!) I'm getting Botox asap! (Really as soon as I get around to it.) And btw, I need a pedicure because my dry, scaly feet keep getting snagged on my 50 million thread count sheets. If I have to wear socks to bed, that means no relations.

What I meant to say: Cash, Check or Charge.

Okay, so the nice didn't last that long.

Wait...there's more!

What I said: Blogger- I like the new format, especially the strikethrough, but where the hell is spellcheck? Seriously.

What I meant to say:  I need my SPELLCHECK! I can't think straight much less spell!

18 comments:

RN Mama said...

You go girl with your Botox! I'm not sure if I have wrinkles, but one of my kids did point out some "cracks" in my face. I think I'm going to sign up for some Botox too, I can get it at cost from one of the docs I work with!

Everytime I go to Target I see a leopard print Snuggie...my husband keeps our heat at 67 degrees (max)...I'm thinking that Snuggie is as good as mine next time I'm at Target.

P.S. Try writing your blogs with Windows Live Writer, it's way better!

Sarah Wyland said...

Oh how I love reading your blog! You always manage to crack me up!

Sam said...

You are so funny! I went for a peely facial thing last week and they are running a special on Botox! I scheduled an appt. Honey said it was silly, but I don't expect him to take the day off to stop me! Amen to the chilly nights and the relations. On a little strike myself, but I can't blog about it becasue he lets his nurses read my blog. Might get some flack about the last one!

Helene said...

What? Blogger has spell check! I didn't know that!!

You know why I feel a connection with you? We share the same sarcastic manner...it's engrained in our blood I think.

Chief said...

yes on the spell check...

and I think I might start calling someone I know Princess Sass

Jennifer said...

You make me laugh! Just what the dr ordered! Hope it is not contagious for your sake!

Best, Jennifer aka Gigi

pink green & southern said...

Oh my would you stop already? I am laughing so hard I can't see straight...

Messy Mommy said...

Totally agree about the spell check! I'm super excited to try the Mac snack wrap!!! I even have a free coupon!

Tracie said...

Girl, I'm rocking the same alligator feet and granny face. I am getting botox. Not sure where or when but I'm doing it.

Steven Anthony said...

seriously, those snack wraps are rocking! love them...I find it hard to be nice, lol;)

Steven Anthony said...

those snack wraps are rocking!

Jenn said...

Hi! I am a new follower :) You are too funny!
BTW I am so with you about the spell check. I have the google toolbar downloaded (it has spellcheck) and it has been a life saver!!!

Brittney said...

Lol!!!! I admit im usually a spell check junkie.. I forgot to use it today so oops.. haha!!!

Preppy 101 said...

Hilarious!! I love reading your blog again!! Honey, where are the wrinkles? Honestly, I think you're a living doll!! Seriously. Email me your full name. Love ya!

wife.mom.nurse said...

oh my gosh! You always make me laugh :)

Princess Freckles said...

You always brighten my day!

blueviolet said...

I use Blogger's old editor instead so spellchecker is there! :)

I cracked up when you said your feet get snagged on your sheets!!! ME TOO!

Mama Bird said...

Love this. I switched to window live writer (had to have spell ck!) I found you from CCWA and I am following now!! Great blag.

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