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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

What I meant to say (& probably will at some point)

Chief over at Hiding from the Kids has started...



But since I am notorious for saying exactly what I think, (much to my mother's dismay) I didn't think I would be able to participate until after my doctor's appointment this morning. This is not exactly what Chief had in mind, but it's what I've got to say.

This occurred after my stop by Starbucks where the girl thought I said my name was Crazy. I kid you not. She wrote it on my cup. She fixed it after I corrected her, but if the shoes fits...

Back story: I have chronic UTIs, no major symptoms, except the pain in the arse all these Dr. visits are causing me. Well, no symptoms until I had a little surgery 2 weeks ago. Now it hurts when I pee like a son of biscuit eater. Yesterday, I call the nurse to ask if that's normal. She says no & gets me to come in. Today.

So I get dressed (another pain the arse) & go up there. I have to see the NP, Barbara. I may offend some of y'all, but I prefer to see male doctors. It's just how I am. I'm not against female doctors, I have several friends who are, but I tired 2 in 2009 & fired them both. I've been to this office 3 times & seen the real (male) doctor once (the day before he stuck a camera up my lou). Every time I've been, they've asked me the same freakin' questions, which means Barbara (who is very homely & has the personality of a brick wall, but I'm not judging.) has asked me the same things TWICE & today she tried to argue with me over one of my answers.

She proceeded to leave to consult with the doc & come back & tell me the pain (2 WEEKS) after surgery is normal. And suggests I do a list of things to do (that I already do) & take some cranberry pills. And gives me another stupid prescription that's not going to work anyway.

I was polite (well as nice as I can be when I'm starting to get really pissed) during the entire visit, with the yes ma'ams & no ma'ams & limiting the sarcastic tones in my answers & popping 2 Xanax (for real, Momma) when my blood started to boil but...

WHAT I MEANT TO SAY or should have said IS: (I'll try to leave out the major expletives I'm thinking in my head)

If the pain still normal 2 weeks after the surgery, why the hell did the other nurse tell to waste my time & come all the way up here?

And I think it is total bull that I can't see the real doctor, who I do like, when I take time out of my day to come. I'm sure he's busy, but I've been dealing with this crap for well over a year, so what's another week or so. Especially when you have to step out of the room & consult with him 25 times. Wonder if my insurance company knows about that?

If there's nothing y'all can do to fix the problem, just say "I'm sorry Mrs. Semi-Slacker, we can't help you". I have 3 children & a household to run, a UTI that doesn't really bother me, well at least it didn't until I started coming here, is the least of my worries. Just give me another antibiotic & leave me alone, I think I've might gained a pound since the last round. If you're going to over-medicate me, I least give me the good stuff.

Let me also add that I have a huge threshold for pain. I have delivered 3 big arse babies & have been walking around for years with a stress fracture in my back. UTIs are not that big of a problem to me.

And yes Barbara, I know what's on that checklist to help prevent UTIs. I'm not new at this. Unless you've come up with some medical break-through since the last time you went over it with me, none of that junk is helping.

If the E.coli that keeps turning up in my cultures infiltrates my entire body & kills me, you can come to my funeral. But first, please cut that long-ass, salt & pepper, horse's mane braid that you are sporting. You are 60+ years old, or least you appear to be, not 11. It only takes 10 inches to donate to Locks of Love. You've got enough hair for about 3 wigs. Cut it!

Have a nice day! And I'm taking this old copy of People because you've wasted plenty of my money. It's called recycling.

25 comments:

short southern momma said...

what?! oh girl you are cracking me up! I hope your feeling OK!! xoxo

gCe said...

Find a new doctor. I will send you an email about what happened to my mother because of nurses.

RN Mama said...

Oh my word...

I LOVE IT! That must have sucked, but it did make for great blogging!

Have a good day Crazy!

Foursons said...

First off- hahahaha for "stealing" the People magazine. I'm so remembering that for next time when I don't get to finish reading an article.

And seriously- write a letter to the doctor and tell him your concerns. Most likely he has an email address and he checks it daily.

But, because I'm giving you such awesome advice...be sure to link up your letter on Friday and give us an update!

The Niemeyer Nest said...

I just got over a UTI too - three weeks after surgery! Goodness, if it's not one thing - it's another. Feel better and keep those nurses on their toes.

Anonymous said...

You are funny! Needed that laugh today (at your story - not the cause!).

Sam said...

Oh My Word Chickie, that right there is a pantie wetter! You are hilarious and this is your everyday life!!!!!!! You could be on a reality show called Semi-Slackittude"!!!

Shell said...

How awful. Doctor's offices are bad enough and then to have to deal with that lady!

Please, oh please, say the ponytail thing to her.

mama's smitten said...

Your hilarious!

EntertainingMom said...

I knew I @#%^*!! loved you!

Sorry about mis-adventure. Oy!

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

Honey...You should have said what was on your mind!! LOL!

Michelle said...

I know it wasn't funny when it happened to you but this post cracked me up!

I hope you start feeling better soon.

I don't think it is a male doctor/female doctor thing, some doctors are just better than others. I tend to have better female doctors but have had some great male doctors as well. I was hesitant to change doctors in the past but really there are GREAT doctors out there you don't have to deal with the stupid ones (or ones that are too busy to acutally see you).

Mandi said...

Okay this is the best blog post I have read all day! I cant wait to be a part of "what I should have said" next week!

And as someone who deals with UTIs all the time I totally feel your pain (literally) and with three kids also have no time for them. I know when I have one, I know what I need and I know how long it takes to get rid of them. JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN DRUGS!!!!

Nice to meet you lol,
Mandi
www.ourwonderfulcrazybeautifullife.com

pink green & southern said...

You are my role model--freakin' hilarious!

The Princess of Sarcasm said...

I had a really bad UTI many years ago. Now when I get that initial "feeling," I go straight into panic mode! I am out of leftover anitbiotics and will have to go to the Dr. next time I get one. Uggghhh. I hate going to the Dr. too!

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

Give it to her! and enjoy that old People maga!

Poolside with the Girls said...

I hate UTI's.. not that any one loves them. Last time I had one the NP kept asking me if I was participating in an risky behavior. The look on my face...I was like lady, look at me...does anything scream risky to you??? Seriously????? And yes I wipe from front to back!!! STOP ASKING ME!!!!

See I should have participated today. Sorry Chief, I had nothing until Semi inspired me...

Preppy 101 said...

I'm loving this post. You are hilarious. I'm not loving your pain and annoyance though. Let me come down there and go to the doctor with you - just once. I'm serious. I'll do it. Is this a specialist you're going to or your ob/gyn??? At this point, I would seriously go to another doctor. Not good to be sharing space with E. coli. And I agree with you about NP's hair. Good grief. xoxo

Sherrie said...

There is nothing worse than feeling you wasted your time at the Dr!

debra said...

That was hilarious - only you had to suffer for that one. Sorry you are going through all that. But if I may say: THAT kind of stuff is what's wrong with healthcare these days (hope everyone refrains from leaving me mean messages - it's my opinion). I just had a big to do with my daughter's ped. about her recent case of pink eye so I am on the bandwagon right now!

Hope you feel better and for the record, I prefer male doctors, too. :)

DysFUNctional Mom said...

You go girl! That would piss me off too. I hope you get some relief.

christy rose said...

Oh my goodness! This was so stinkin' funny! What a way to vent! I hope you are starting to feel better though.

Paging Doctor Mommy said...

OMG that was perfect! Most of me hopes you are feeling better soon, but part of me hopes you need to go back to the DR to give that lady a true piece of your mind!!!!

kys said...

I'm with Lee. I wish you had said all that to her.

Jenn said...

I also prefer male doctors. I had a female GYN once and she had the WORST bedside manner in the history of every. I totally agree with you on the Male Doc thing.

Also, how did you not smack Barbara when she was giving you the same information that you've clearly already been given?

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