Friday, October 23, 2009

bLerApy- What you've always wanted to post, but can't

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*Please remember that the post for today is written by an anonymous blogger and not by myself. The views, ideas and opinions expressed are exclusively the anony-bloggers. (sometimes my family is a little slow to catch on, thus the bold writing)

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After you read today's bLerApy© post: please feel free to snoop around my blog.

Here's a couple of posts you might like! (I couldn't decide on just 1)

Cinderella I am NOT & You can't always trust Google

I hope to see you again.
The holidays are a tricky time in our family. So much so that I'm already trying to work things out so that everyone is happy a month from now. My brother in law (on my husband's side) and I haven't gotten along the whole time I've known him which is around 15 years. It's such a silly thing really. He dated a friend and it didn't end well. So me being the loyal friend, I stuck by her. Then when I started dating my husband, there was just a tension that only grew and became it's own monster over the years. BIL and I even lived together in college for awhile. I thought it might make our relationship better, but it just made things worse.

Now, the BIL and his family are coming to visit for Thanksgiving. It'll be nice to see his family (and him too I guess), but the tricky part is keeping everyone connected. My in-laws live pretty close to us and when the BIL's come to town, they both stay with the in-laws. My family lives close to the in-laws, but when everyone else is at one house, we get left out. You'd think that with all the grandbabies being similar aged, my BIL and his family would like staying with us. We already have all the baby gear and then the kids can play together.

But no.

So far, anytime the BIL and fam come to town, they stay with the in-laws. While I get that they want to hang out with them and that the grandparents want time with their grandbabies, I still would love to have them stay with us. We stayed with them about a year ago when we were visiting nearby for a wedding and it went well. Kids played together well, adults socialized well, and I think in general, it was a good experience for all concerned. I think the same thing could happen if they stayed with us too.

I've asked the husband to talk to his family about it (his family=his job to deal with them), but I'm pretty sure he's avoiding it. The grands have to get on board that it's not only okay, but that it's a good thing for their son and grandbabies to stay somewhere else. Then, the BIL and his wife have to be convinced of same. It's so easy to just do what's always been done, but this might be the year that it can turn around and we can do something new. It's not just about the fact that my family gets left out all the time. It's also about our kids getting to know their cousins, aunts, and uncles. Why does it have to be so complicated to get everyone together?

Then there's the issue of Thanksgiving dinner itself. We'd like to host it at our house, but my MIL normally does it at her house. We did it at ours 3 years ago and it was great! Everyone had a good time and we did the exact same thing we normally do! Hung out, ate, watched football, etc. I'm not sure why it's so difficult to switch locations to someplace nearby that's actually easier for most people to get to. We do have steps that are difficult for Great Grandpa to come up, but we can work around that quite easily.

Again, I've asked the husband to talk to his mom about it, but I'm pretty sure he's avoiding it. It shouldn't be so complicated to get together with family and have a good time. I could just talk to everyone, but I know it'll be better received if it's the husband who brings it up. I also know that he's much more gracious and tactful than I am. He's good that way. Well, other ways too! ;)

We'll be celebrating Christmas at the same time while the BIL and fam are in town so maybe we can bring it up that way. As in, hey MIL, we love you. You host Christmas at your house, we'll host Thanksgiving at ours. We'd probably get completely shot down, but I think it's worth a try. At some point in time, my husband's family will realize that I'm trying and have been for years and that they are indeed the problem. Right?

Oh. Well... shit. Maybe we'll boycott the holidays all together. But that won't do anything to solve the problem at all will it? Shit in one hand, wish in the other...

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Tracie Nall said...

I hate to tell you this, but apparently I grew up in your family....and you are my mom.

I know this because her MIL never ever let her host any holiday. In fact she didn't even let her bring food. (everyone else could, but not my mom)

And when my mom's sis-in-law came into town, bringing her two sons who were about my age, they never ever stayed at our house....even when they begged their mom to let them. They always stayed with the MIL.

And my dad, never confronted his mom. Not once.

(wow, today has been a double blog therapy session for me! Nice)

Kmama said...

The holidays are SO TOUGH! My inlaws have all these "traditions" that my hubby feels compelled to uphold, so every Christmas we get together with my FIL's family...on Christmas DAY! I want Christmas at home in our own house, doing our own stuff. If we want to stay in pj's all day, so be it! I want my kids to play with their toys and enjoy Christmas. So far, they are only 5 and 2, but you can bet that in a few years, I WILL put my foot down. It might not go over so well, but right now, I.don't.care.

melissa said...

Ugg I have the exact opposite problem of this annoy blogger. My husbands family ALWAYS wants to do holidays at our house, but no one but his mom wants to help, in any way. We're talking like 40 people. I feel another blerapy session comming on :)

melissa said...

OMG!!!! i just realized I type annoy. I totally meant Anony... GEESH!!!!!! need to learn how to spell.

supahmommy- somethin's wrong with that girl said...

lol! We all know you meant anony.. lol.. she'll get a kick out of it.

My family has all of these traditions rooted 50 YEARS. Traditions that I grew up with... and love. But I TOO want to start new things. I"ve tried slowly.. hosting thanksgiving.. make it a rule that every OTHER xmas eve we do the tradition.. and the other eve's year.. we DO OUR THING.. pJ's.. GOOD FOOD... at our house.

I think you have to give a little and FORCE a little. You may not be popular.. but you'll enjoy your day. Host your own Thanks giving! lol

It sounds like you have a MIL that you'll go head to head with though. and I wonder if BIL.. JUST heeds her demands cuz he can't stand up to her. I bet he'd like to bring his family to your house. Perhaps you can split the visit? A few days at your house? A few days at hers?


Lee said...

Yikes!! I love reading all of these new blogs and anon posts!! How are you doing your comments?? New follower...by the way!

Unknown said...

I'm a new follower, too---

And am so glad to see other BLerapy posts on in-laws and family drama like this. It's definitely not fun, but at least many of us are dealing with it on some level or another. It's just too bad it makes us dread the approaching holiday season.

Margaret said...

This totally sucks!!!!! I don't know that there is any way to fix this problem all you can do is keep trying and see what happens

Shell said...

Good luck getting this all sorted out. We finally were able to come to a good solution for our family, but now we are moving and it is screwing it all up again. No one is going to be happy. Well, except me. LOL

Raine said...

I think it is def worth a shot. At least just to get it seeded that it is an option and one that you would really enjoy. Holidays are so stressful. Boycotting doesnt sound so bad :D

Unknown said...

Isn't this fun!?!

All my fam lives really close. So on holidays we just house-hop & eat way too much! I usually my fam & in-laws together at my house for Thanksgiving, MIL's Christmas eve & mom christmas lunch. so everyone gets a turn. SILs don't care to host.

Brandice said...

Yikes! That really sucks. I know. The way I see it.... nothing is ever going to change if SOMEONE doesn't instigate it. You may get shot down, but you'll know at least you tried. And then... patience, my friend. It's about all you can do at that point.

My MIL asked me to bake pies and rolls one year for Thanksgiving, and of course I asked what kind to make sure I was doing the right ones, but when we got there -- she had made her own pies ("just in case I forgot", she said), and she was also hiding another batch of rolls in the microwave in case they didn't like the kind I brought! I am a good cook too!

Good luck with the holidays. I don't know about you, but I'm always glad when they're over. :(

Nice blerapy.

rachel... said...

I think this blogger has a MIL with a 'queen bee' complex! I have the same thing, but it's fine with me! The LAST thing I want to do is cook and clean up after dozens of guests!

Unknown said...

What a terrible situation! Totally stressful! I am so glad our family isn't like that. Life is so short! It stinks when families can't all be together!

Tracie said...

New Follower!

Seems like there is a lot of Family Blerapy going on today. I handle the holidays by staying home with Hubs and my kids. Every once in a while a grandparent will come visit at this time but usually they leave us alone. I love it!

Poolside with the Girls said...

I'm a big fan of staying home for the holidays.I sort set the rules when we had kids that they will always be in their own home on Christmas eve and Christmas morning. So far so good...

Thanksgiving, I'm a little more flexible on, but not much more because I like my hubbys cooking and I love the left overs.

Family drama issues certainly can drive you nuts. Hang in there!!!

Anonymous said...

Enjoy going to the Inlaw's home...it will be your turn to host events before you know and you will want your children and their families to come together at your house. Try to see things through another person's eyes...after all, the holiday season was never meant to be stressful. We make it stressful by fussing over things that don't really matter.

Helene said...

I could've written almost the same exact thing. It's funny to me that so many people look forward to spending time with their families during the holidays. That's the ONE part of the holidays I dread!

Epiphius said...

Queen "B" complex sounds about right! If you've got babies (and it sounds like you do) then they should accomodate. It's a pain in the ass to travel with little kids!

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